Wednesday, October 20, 2010

one month already...

it´s been a month.. a very tough one I might add.. perhaps the toughest I´ve ever had...

I remember when we got married I was told "the first year is the toughest".. as years went by.. I told to myself "the first year?.. all of them have been tough.. in their own way".. now I realize.. not having you IS the toughest of all things...

the days have gone by... but my pain hasn´t... this is so surreal.. I just can´t accept it...don´t want to accept it...  why were you taken away?.. why?... perhaps God had other plans for you.. but I miss you so much.. I´m going crazy without you... perhaps you had done what you had to done in this world... but in my world I still need you...

I want to hold your hand again.. I want to see you again.. I want to kiss you again... I want you back...

this is one of those things I might never understand... but I´d really like to know why did it happened... why at this point in life.. why did it happened at all... our life seemed to be getting better.. I had never seen you so satisfied and feeling so happy about what you´ve accomplished... it makes me wonder if that was why..

it´s true.. . love hurts... I love you so much it hurts... I see myself in the mirror and my face has changed.. my eyes have lost sparkle.. my face looks sad... even my eyebrows won´t stay in place... and that made me think of you once again... and cry all over... I´m happy to see you and think of you in whatever I´m doing.. but it´s just as sad because it won´t be happening again...  it´s hard to breathe.. hard to sleep.. hard not to think about you... hard to live without you...

my heart is missing a piece... and it´s just the right size for you to be in... my first, my one, my only.. my dearest love...

sending you my love,

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