Teacher´s Day

you were always my favorite teacher.. not only because you were a Master in criminal law.. but because you taught me so many things..

you taught me love.. you taught me life´s greatest things.. with you I learned to be a wife.. to be a girl.. to be a mom..

with you I learned love does wonders and goes for miles.. I learned that no matter what, love always prevails..
I learned to listen those unspoken words.. I learned to see the unviewable actions.. I learned to feel with my heart..

I learned life was not easy.. but I also learned it was worth it..

I learnt a lot along our path together.. and I´m grateful for every step.. I just wished you could be here to keep on teaching me.. or even slapping the back of my head :p ..I love to remember you... but I´d love more if you were here...

one thing I can say... I learned from THE BEST..

love you forever,

Why, hello stranger..

that´s what I´d expected you to say.. if you were here reading this.. it´s hard to come and write.. not because I don´t want to .. or because I don´t know what to write.. or because I´m short of time.. it´s because every time I do my heart aches and pours itself inside out.. my tears flow.. and my soul cries..

time keeps going by.. not so much the pain.. that seems to keep on growing.. every.single.day.

love hurts... love really hurts...  it´s got to the point that whenever I see something that reminds me of something or makes me think ahead of things that might be... I get this feeling like throwing up.. I don´t, but the feeling is there..

it gets triggered by a song.. a place.. our home.. a shirt.. a shoe.. a pic.. of you.. of us.. of our kids.. of times that won´t be.. even the name of some countries.. countries on our travel wishlist.. baseball.. I miss baseball.. I wish you could be here so we could go to enjoy just another game.. another day.. another year.. another lifetime..

I miss you so incredibly freaking much!! ...

and I love you with all that I´ve got.. from here to eternity..

I miss...

I miss my fridge filled out with beer
I miss the most having you near

I miss your body
I miss your soul
I miss your smile
I miss you whole

Someone made real
my worst-est fear
they took you apart
and left me in tears

I miss my fridge filled out with beer
I miss you the most my lovely dear

not even death, could made us part
´cause you´ll be living within my heart
until the time we meet again
my heart will never be out of pain

I miss my fridge filled out with beer
I miss the most not having you here.

------------------------------------------

I hadn´t dropped by.. as I hadn´t had the guts to type what I just did..it had been on my mind for a while now..

It still hasn´t set the fact you´re gone.. not even after 6 months.. it just doesn´t feels real.. everyday I still find myself thinking you´d walk by the door.. even though I know you won´t.. I´m not sure why my mind is like this.. yes, I miss you so much.. but it hurts having to remind myself you won´t be back...

although, the human mind is an amazing thing.. as I can relive also the awesome moments we had whenever I want.. and they do seem just as real ... wish they were..

I keep trying to do my best each day.. and sending you my love as well

always yours,

not much to say...

other than.. :(

and I miss you so much!!!

although it has been a few months.. it still seems so unreal.. I can´t seem to be convinced it has happened..

and what´s worse.. my heart shatters every time I remind it it is.. which is pretty often..
I find myself thinking of you.. sometimes as if you were here.. wondering what are you doing.. then come back to reality.. and it hurts..

why you?.. why us?.. why now?.. why ever?.. what is wrong with people these days..I just can´t believe there´s such evil in the world

you would´ve made a better world.. you did with mine..

our boy has always been your clone..and now our girl.. maybe it´s just me.. and my desire to have you still.. but she does look like you too.. except for skin n eye color.. she got that from me.. :).. but her ears.. it´s like if I´m seeing yours.. her feet.. even her sweaty lil hands.. and even if they remind me of you they also make me miss you more..

I´m glad our boy got to know you.. and play and grow with you.. not enough.. but he has a good memory of you.. what is sad is that our girl never had that chance.. never will.. she´ll get to know you by what we say but it will never be the same..

our kids are such happy kids.. i wish you could be here to see them grow.. to share with them their milestones..

it´s been hard.. as I can´t be a dad.. don´t know how to be.. I miss you.. if only you could come back..

all my love,

Happy Birthday!!

Today would´ve have been a special day... your birthday.. but if it weren´t for today we wouldn´t have met and our kids wouldn´t have been born.. so, in a way, it is still a happy day..

it would´ve been happier if you were here.. any day would be happier with you..

I miss you so much babe..

I dreamed about you last night.. just wished it wasn´t a dream.. as you were here with us..

at times I get a lil blue.. especially on this kind of dates.. kind of bittersweet times.. you being here would help make it easier..

I miss you in so many ways I lost count..

it might not be as a happy day as it should.. but I´m thankful it once was.. when I had you

Happy Birthday my dearest one!!

We love you Daddy!!!

with all my love,

OUR Valentine´s Day..

another date has come in which it´s hard not having you around..

12 yrs ago was a very special Valentine´s Day.. and one I´ll never forget.. it was our first Valentine´s Day ever..

thinking back I can´t help but smile.. and as I do.. having tears flowing down too..

it´s weird how years went by.. wow.. 12 of them.. and that very first Valentine´s Day just comes back so vividly.. :).. I remember the rose you gave me.. my first one..I remember going to the nutcraker.. my fave music.. Tchaikovsky..Sugar Plum Dance.. love it.. even if I was not into theatre or ballet.. you made my day remembering I loved that song..

all of our own way of romance.. I´d do it all over again.. and again and again..

why can´t there be a rewind button in life?.. I´d make then everything go in slow motion..

I´m not gonna say that I´m going to miss all those things we did.. because I already do.. I miss you..

we were never the tipey romantic type.. but you always managed to impress me.. I love you babe!!

we never dedicated ONE day to love and I´m glad we loved each other 24/7 365.. and even if you´re not physically here.. my love and heart will always be yours..

thinking of you daily...

Happy Valentine´s my Love!!

http://www.nutcrackerballet.net/assets/multimedia/Nut2fair.mid

01/02/03

Today.. eight years ago.. was the best day ever.. it was the day we got married..

The day we started living our lives together.. the day you made my dreams come true.. the day we became one in God´s eyes... the day our fabulous journey as a married couple began...

for almost 8 yrs we were married... together for 12.. and in those years I´ve was so happy..
I laughed.. I cried.. I was happy.. I was sad.. but most of all I was grateful to have you in my life..

since we started dating I knew you were the one, and boy, was I right..

you really made my life better by your side..

I sill remember our wedding.. despite it being very simple.. the sole fact to actually getting married to you made it perfect.. I loved every second of it.. and surprisingly enough not one thing went wrong that day.. it was a day meant to be.. :D

We never had a proper honeymoon.. like the ones most people have.. but we sure didn´t need going somewhere fancy for that..just being with one another was sufficient enough.. I know you wanted to take me somewhere.. and I told you, you didn´t had to.. I really meant that.. you had given me more than I could´ve asked.. a life with you.. it didn´t matter where we were.. just being there was enough for me..

I wish we were able to celebrate this year too.. another year of you putting up with me and my quirks.. another one me putting up with yours.. :p

there´s a huge void in my heart.. that will never be filled again.. I love you so much.. it hurts knowing you´ll never be here again..

the years we shared were so precious.. but clearly not enough.. I wish there were plenty more..

so.. even if you´re in Heaven..      Happy Anniversary My Love!!!!

yours always,

it´s been a while..

it´s been a while since my last post..

first off.. our boy was chosen to go to a breakfast with school principal n staff held for outstanding students..

I was proud of him.. and when he came back, he told me it was only one student per group.. made me even prouder.. I know you would too..

he´s a very smart kid, he sure got your brains..

our girl is doing fine too.. you know, she just grew some serious eyelashes.. lol.. not as curly as our boy´s but still very long and cute.. and she has your fingers.. they look so much like yours.. and her frown too.. you are truly showing up on her too.. a LOT..

it´s hard seeing days pass by... and still being without you.. I really don´t know how I´ve managed to hold it together for so long.. I really don´t..

I still wish it was only a nightmare.. we all miss you so much..

yours always,

Where are you?..

I know where you are.. but I cannot help but ask  "where are you?" whilst seeing our pics..

where are you?.. please come back.. I wanna see you.. I wanna hold you tight..

all I´ve got is memories of us... those will last forever... I just wish you would´ve too..

we were supposed to grow old together.. get wrinkly.. grumpy.. but oh so in love..

15 days short of our 8th anniversary.. and now I´m all alone..

it was a happy date.. now I just don´t know..

I miss you with my heart.. with my soul...

I wish you were here.. and see our kids grow..



it´s just too much... I just can´t write anymore.. not right now.. I´m having a moment..
I need you to hold me in your arms...

Big day today..

Today was a big day for our kids..

Our boy went back to school.. vacations are over.. so now back to getting up early and do homework
our girl turned 2 months old today.. time is flying.. I can´t believe how fast this months went by

"bad" part was our baby got also her 2month shots.. she is not a happy baby.. she´s been crying and whining.. aww poor girl.. wish I could have her discomfort and pain instead of her..

Our boy is over the chicken pox.. amazingly he had a very mild case of it.. thank God!!..

As for me, I really can´t help but cry my eyes out whenever I see a pic of you.. I start looking at pics to so some edit work.. then I smile as I remember what was going on when I took it.. then I cry because you´re not here.. then I smile because how happy that moment was.. then I cry because they´ll be no more moments like those..

In a way I don´t want to cry.. not because I don´t want to want, but because I don´t want to pass the sadness to out girl.. something I believe she might get while feeding her..

This months without you have been really hard.. call me weird.. you loved me that way anyway ;).. but I saw a text in my phone from you from a looong while ago.. it read "call me babe, I miss you".. needless to say I bursted in tears.. just as I´m doing as I type this.. I MISS YOU TOO!!!

I can´t seem to get past the denial phase.. I just can´t.. not right now.. not sure when..

sending you a big big hug, love you..

The End of 2010...

Today I sit here watching the year end.. hoping the new one to come be kinder with us all..

this year (2010) has been a rollercoaster in my life.. the lowest one being when you parted.. the highest one when our baby was born..

we moved.. we traveled.. we loved.. we fought.. we shared.. we pursued.. we achieved.. we smiled.. we cried.. we grew.. we dreamed.. we planned.. we were torn apart..

so many things this year seemed to promise.. so many things it took away.. one thing that will never be taken,  no matter how many years end, is my undying love for you..

I saw this on FB and had to post on my wall too..
"When we've lost someone we love we must learn, not to live without them, but to live with what love they left with us. I have loved and lost and will keep always close to my heart. Remember those you have lost and LOVE those they left behind."


I certainly can´t live without you hon, you´re living permanently in my heart.. and I will love what you left behind.. our two precious kids and 12 yrs of being by my side.. not enough really but soooo worth every day..

I hope the new year brings some comfort and peace.. gives me strength and courage.. allows me to be the best I can.. for you, the kids and myself..

for every tear there´s a smile.. and boy, have I cried.. I miss you and love you with everything I´ve got

Happy New Year my love!!

Why can´t it be just a nightmare..

a really really bad one.. but just that..

it´s so unreal.. I can´t.. don´t want it to be true.. any time I see your pic I just want to wake up..

why can´t that be the reality..

it´s very hard to overcome the thought you won´t be here any more.. so hard to remember all the great times we shared.. I was just seeing some pics you had on your phone.. pics of all of us together.. I want more of those moments!!..

I want to see the evolution of this pic.. the growth in members.. but that´s not gonna happen now.. why?? why??!! WHY!!!!...

we miss you so much.. wish things could be different.. I just wish you to hug me.. real tight, so I could go to sleep in your arms once again.. and in the morning open my eyes and see you again..

my love goes to you,

Christmas Eve..

Not really sure how to start or what to write..

My eyes leak.. my throat chokes.. my heart aches.. and in my mind it´s only you...

I don´t know how this day is going to go.. there´s this void that won´t be filled by anyone or anything.. and you are deeply missed Mr., more than I could´ve thought...

It´s kinda bittersweet.. your memory makes me happy for the times we had and the things you left behind.. but ti also makes me sad as from now on you won´t be tagging along.. physically that is..

Some days I laugh at myself as I find me thinking "I have a hair of him or his DNA.. maybe I should preserve it".. yeah I know.. that´s why I laugh.. but hey, can you blame me for wanting you back?..

Tonight will definitely be a tough day.. but I know you´ll be watching over..

I can´t promise I won´t cry.. because I will.. I already am
I can´t promise I won´t break.. cause not having you here is the worse
what I CAN promise you, is that I´ll love you forever.. that I´ll keep strong for our kids.. and that your memory will never fade..EVER

You were and are THE greatest man.. I´m lucky for loving you and you loving me back.. till we meet again


Merry Christmas my love,

today we saw a lil light in our way...

Really it´s not the way I or anyone wants to finally OWN their house... but today was a good day afterall.. I was notified I need no longer make payments on our house.. it´s finally OURS!!.. no need to pay for 15+ yrs.. not anymore..

It certainly lifted a huuuuge weight off my back.. I know you had your play in this.. and I cannot thank you enough babe.. I would willingly without a doubt keep on paying if you could come back.. that´s for sure and you know it.. I know you know..

I still need to submit some paperwork but that´s another story..

It was also perfect timing.. just before Christmas.. so I take it as your gift to us.. :´)

This times will be hard on us all.. but I´m sure you´ll make your way to show us you are amongst us.. and you´ll live forever in our hearts.. your life was short but your memory will be eternal..

with all my love,

it´s a sad day...

well not just one day..but mostly everyday.. and now with Christmas just around the corner it´s even worse :(

I can´t help but think what it´s gonna be like.. how are we gonna handle it.. it´s tough you know..

as I was passing by the stores I kept looking at men stuff.. needless to say I choked everytime I saw something you might´ve liked.. I eventually ended walking like if I had a blindfold so I could not see anything like that..

I too went to our house to get some stuff and saw a few gifts I had saved over time.. now realizing you won´t get to use them..and also thinking "was it worth it for me to buy ahead?".. now I think it wasn´t.. remember those cufflinks you had looked for over like a year?.. well I found and got them.. I wish I had given them to you so you could have at least wore them while you were here :´(..

the shirts, the shoes and even the suits are still in their boxes/bags and some even with tags.. I guess they´ll sit there for another 10+ yrs until our boy can fit.. hopefully he´ll be willing to.. I´d hate for the to waste.. but then again, even if unused I can´t seem to part with anything.. not even a sock..

maybe I´m a bit paranoid.. I still have your toothbrush..and even your hairbrush.. I don´t even want to toss a hair.. I want to keep as much of you as I can.. even if it´s plain crazy...I knoe nothing will bring you back.. but I just don´t wanna let go.. I really don´t..

I know I´m not alone.. and not the only one.. but it sure feels like that some times...

I miss you..

baby´s first month

Yesterday was our baby´s first month-day.. yeah I know, that´s not a word.. but you get me.. you always did.. me and my weird made up words..."supongando".. haha.. I remember how that made you laugh and yet expected me to say it everytime.. love you hon..

anyway, back on topic.. our baby is growing so much.. almost 3 cms long.. and a really nice baby.. still getting used to waking in the middle of the night but overall great.. no health concerns at all.. she´s a very avid eater.. lol.. she really wears me out.. but I guess it´s worth it..

still to this day I cannot figure out what color her eyes are going to be.. but she has lovely eyes nonetheless.. just as our boys were.. not in color.. but his are also lovely...

something I cannot help either is feeling sad.. cry.. choke.. everytime I see a pic of you or think about anything that involves/d you.. in a way that´s good.. you really were a huge part of my life and I wanna keep it that way.. only thing I want is to make the pain go away.. but it seems that´s not gonna happen.. I miss you with all my heart... give me strength babe..I need you with me..

always yours,

Velcro baby..

I really don´t know why.. but our baby girl is like glued to me.. she just loves being carried but my arms ache already.. she´s fine on her crib and all but at times she just won´t sleep if she´s not in my arms.. the second I pick her up, she stops crying..

she´s so funny too.. does make my face smile.. as well as our boy.. he´s loving being a big bro.. so cute!!

wish you were here to see.. and maybe stay up late with me when baby wakes up ;)..

one never realizes how important is not to be mad at each other.. I´m thankful we weren´t.. I would not be able to forgive myself.. it´s painful as it is.. I cannot imagine what I´d do if we parted mad at each other..

your smile and that last hug and kiss...... priceless...

why can´t you be here to give us more priceless moments...

the hole in my heart is permanent.. so as our love...

love,

I know it was you...

First of all.. I love you babe...

Yesternight I kept listening to this song... then all of a sudden.. it was a background sound in a TV show I was watching...

so this morning I had to hear it in full.. and I know it was you.. :´(..

I love you too hon.. and I so wish you could...

Thanksgiving...

I do wonder.. is there something to be thankful today for?...

well... certainly not because you are not here.. I miss you with every inch of my being... with every breath I´ve got.. with every blink of an eye.. with every beat of my heart... and I am not thankful for not having you around...

I would be if you were still here with us.. sharing each day.. being back to where we were.. and how we were.. TOGETHER!!

but between all the sadness your departure has caused.. I do have something to be thankful for.. OUR KIDS... you gave me the chance to be the mother of the two most precious kids one could ever have.. they both are what´s left of you and I cherish having a part of you in them.. I can see you there.. I can feel you there...

I´m thankful for our boy, that he´s big and healthy... that he´s so smart.. just like you.. and that he is a very nice kid.. I´m thankful because he truly was made with love.. a love we shared... and will remain forever... 

I´m thankful for our girl, a girl we both looked for and God made our wishes come true... a girl we had tried for so long and finally got here.. a lil girl that´s also a very healthy one and a nice baby.. and all you wanted her to be like... yet another proof of our love..

I´m also thankful for all our family and friends that have been so supportive through this tough times.. I really appreciate that.. it´s been so hard but I´ve found strength in places I´ve never thought.. and people have been helping me to get by a day at a time...

I´m thankful for knowing you are in Heaven.. where else could you be?.. I´m thankful for having shared 12 of the most special years of my life with you and having the bestest times ever.. for all that we shared I´m thankful for..

I´m thankful for having had you in my life... you made it so much better...

with all my love,

2 month mark.. :(

today is the 2 month mark.. and it makes me so sad to realize you´ve been gone for so long and it seems just as if it was yesterday.. and it feels much worse..

every day I think of you... every day something makes me think of you... everyday my heart breaks... everyday my tears flow.. everyday I wish you hadn´t go... everyday I miss you more... everyday I see your face.. everyday I hear your voice.. and everyday I wish to stay asleep so all that could just be real...

my world has definitely changed... but my love for you will remain the same forever...

till we meet again my love,

my heart is yours,