One year mark

today is the one year mark, don´t wanna say anniversary as there is nothing to celebrate, of the day you went to Heaven..

one year since we last slept by each others side, one year since I last touched you, one year since I last hugged you, one year since I last kissed you, one year since I last smelled you, since I last saw your face, since I last waved you goodbye with a smile on my face..

who would have thought that would be our last goodbye... thankfully it was a good one..

I still remember that morning.. our life was so good, we were so happy.. it was one of those days were you felt like floating.. how it went 180° is what I hate.. if only we had known.. wish we could have been able to change things..

I miss you in every second of my life, with every beat of my heart, with every breath I take.. I wish you could take the pain away and come back.. wish you could have met your daughter.. see our boy grown up..

I´d love to uncry my tears.. I´d like to unbreak my heart.. I wish I could turn back time and have you here again.. I would give my immortality just to have you back here with me..

they say everything happens for a reason.. so unless the reason was to make me sad and miserable.. I can´t see what the reason was.. :(

I might be wrong in the head.. but I can´t seem to understand yet.. I don´t want it to be real.. I still hope to see you walking by the door.. hear you calling my name..

it amazing how the emptiness fills my heart..it´s so overwhelming..I hate it..

I even sometimes wish I was a mad scientist so I could clone you out from any of your dna porting stuff...crazy I know.. but that´s what my heart wants.. to have you back.. as crazy as it sounds..

it´s like if I was a living zombie.. alive ans walking.. but dead inside..  I miss you so much.. not one day has gone by in which I have thought things have gone better or easier.. it´s just as hard, and tough and sad.. and by all means not easier in any aspect..

I miss your breath.. your smell.. your touch.. I don´t remember how it felt to run my hands through your hair.. I´m slowly losing the memory of your scent...I miss the feeling of your skin.. the warmth in your arms.. the happiness by your side.. I miss my lead guitar..

I do have things to be happy for..  but they make me happy for other reasons.. and nothing will will bring the happy out of me like you did..

you might have been gone but you certainly will never be forgotten..  immortality... take it.. it´s yours!...

always and forever yours,