Father´s Day

this day, June 19th, we celebrate Father´s Day.. tough to do it without you.. I know you are not my dad but you are our kids dad.. and it´s hard that most everyone gets to celebrate this day while they don´t have you here.. it breaks my heart..

our boy had they joy to have you as a dad.. he had the chance to be with you.. to love you and be loved back.. to play with you.. you were a great example of a dad.. always looking after your family and giving only the best to us.. our kid had the fortune to have you as a dad... guess I picked you well ;) (love you)

our girl wasn´t as lucky.. you were taken away too soon.. for all of us.. but with her is that she never met you.. I know she knew you while still in the womb.. and she knew back then how much she was loved by you.. she could feel the love while you rubbed my belly.. she heard your voice while you talked to her.. what you said to her only you and her know.. you never told me.. it was something between you two.. and I know that she loves you just as much in her little heart..

I´m glad that somehow things worked the way they worked... I "picked" you to make me a mom.. and I was fortunate to make you a dad.. and you were a dad in all the extension of the word..

you´ll always be missed.. many important times will come that could only be filled by your presence.. Father´s Day being one of them..

I hasn´t gotten any easier.. or better.. you just need to keep on rollin´ but the heartbreak remains and the pain becomes a normal part of your life you get used to live with it.. but it surely doesn´t gets easier

always loved, always remembered, always grateful, for the time we shared, for the love we felt, for the kids we had...

Happy Father´s Day my love!!

to the greatest, bestest, awesomest dad I could´ve ever asked for my kids to have...

always in our hearts,

Awesomest dream...

last night I had the most awesomest dream ever..

of course it involved you.. it was a dream I did not want to wake up.. and a dream I wished with all my heart was true..

there I was watching TV or something.. then I heart this noise by the door.. I turned around to see YOU standing there.. in a yellow shirt.. with a big smile.. it took me a second to react and for my brain to process it was you standing there.. then I ran as fast as the wind into your arms.. holding you so tight my eyes started to explode in tears..

I just wasn´t able to let go.. I´m sure if anyone saw me right at that time I was most definitely smiling in my sleep..

I just could not believe you were there, it was like I´ve always wanted to think of.. like if you were in some kind of witness protection program or something.. always there watching from a distance.. then the day came when you were able to come back to us.. to me..

the dream went on.. and I could feel my heart.. it was happy..

it might have been my subconscious.. as it always makes me have weird dreams.. but I know for sure that in this dream it was a truly connection with you.. what we talked about.. what you said to me .. no matter how amazing my brain might be.. I believe it was really you reaching out.. I want to believe.. :)

I didn´t want to wake up.. as I was feeling the transition from dream to reality.. and the lyrics to the song came to my mind.. "quiero dormir profundamente y no despertar llorando.. por la pena de no verte".. needless to say I woke in tears.. real tears..

I hope I can see you and meet you again like last night.. it was special.. you always are.. but last night I felt it real.. not just like a happy dream elaborated from my twisted brain..

I love you hun and I´ll always will

missing you,